Wednesday, July 05, 2006

A Great Case for Term Limits: Internet Tubes!!!

Apparently Senator (R. AK) Ted "Bridge to Nowhere" Stevens' brain stem has departed from his person (if it ever actually resided within him is also suspect.) Previously famous for his $200 Million bridge to nowhere in Alaska, Senatard Stevens has now explained how the interet works. Praise Bob, because I was really confused before I read this:

There's one company now you can sign up and you can get a movie delivered to your house daily by delivery service. Okay. And currently it comes to your house, it gets put in the mail box when you get home and you change your order but you pay for that, right.

But this service isn't going to go through the interent and what you do is you just go to a place on the internet and you order your movie and guess what you can order ten of them delivered to you and the delivery charge is free.

Ten of them streaming across that internet and what happens to your own personal internet?

I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why?

Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the internet commercially.

So you want to talk about the consumer? Let's talk about you and me. We use this internet to communicate and we aren't using it for commercial purposes.

We aren't earning anything by going on that internet. Now I'm not saying you have to or you want to discrimnate against those people [...]

The regulatory approach is wrong. Your approach is regulatory in the sense that it says "No one can charge anyone for massively invading this world of the internet". No, I'm not finished. I want people to understand my position, I'm not going to take a lot of time. [?]

They want to deliver vast amounts of information over the internet. And again, the internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck.

It's a series of tubes.

And if you don't understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and its going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material.


Tubes.

Like in the drive-thru at the bank.

Internet tubes.

I'm so glad the people that make important decisions in the government are so well informed. Makes me sleep better at night. I'm reminded of Billy Madison:
Mr. Stevens, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

4 comments:

Daniel said...

Hahahaha, that was awesome bud.
How do men like this get elected? My 10 year old brother knows the internet has nothing to do with tubes...sheesh.

Matthew J. said...

This makes my head hurt.

JTapp said...

Yeah, that's really bad!

Joshua "Doc" Wible said...

What?