Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Cthulhu Is Real

I'll just come right out and say it: The End Is Near.

It weighs 495 kilograms (1,090 pounds), has eyes the size of dinner plates and is estimated at up to 10 metres (33 feet) long.

But that may be relatively small, scientists say after initial examination, suggesting other colossal squid (Mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni) under the chilly Antarctic waters might grow much larger.

So, a 50 foot squid has suckers approximately 4 inches in diameter, at the base of it's tentacles. This is a creature with an eyeball that has a diameter of one foot.

They have found Sperm Whale carcasses with sucker scars of 16 inches in diameter,
implying a squid that is 200 feet long with an eyeball 4 feet in diameter.

Great Jumpin' Mohammed! Kill it with Fire!!!

A picture of said beastie:

OK, not really, but it's getting closer...

So, Apparently We're All Pedos

So you've probably heard of Miley Montana, er... Hannah Cyrus, er... Billy Ray Von Mullet's daughter's somewhat questionable decision to have a photoshoot in Vanity Fair. Hoopedy-doo. What you may not know is so many people went to VanityFair.com to look at the photos, that VanityFair's webserver crashed, and that because of that, America is filled with pedophiles. And of course, nobody cares. I give you the thought process here:

Media: In case you didn't know, Vanity Fair has slightly risque pictures of Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus. She's only fifteen, it's terrible.

Public: Um... okay whatever.

Media: They're terrible. Racy, filthy pictures. She's only fifteen and you can see her bare back. In Vanity Fair.

Public: We have more important things to worry about.

Media: These pictures are disgraceful. No one should look at them. Here are what they look like, in full-screen on your television. You can see these pictures at VanityFair.com or in this month's issue on newsstands today, but don't because they pictures are terrible.

Public: Well, now we're just curious.

Media: You people are pedophiles! Looking at these sexual pictures of a fifteen-year-old on VanityFair.com and in the magazine on newsstands now. What has society come to that people are so obsessed with the actions of celebrities. She's only fifteen, leave her alone. Don't look at the picture we're showing to the left of the anchorperson's head right now. Don't look at it! Society is coming to a screeching halt! You should all be ashamed for looking at these shameful pictures in this month's issue of Vanity Fair, on newsstands today or on VanityFair.com. Shame!

Manufactured outrage, much? Raise your hand if you give a flying fart in the wind about any of this. That's what I thought.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

UPDATED: Never Say Never

Well, I'd said I wasn't going to do any more Evangelion videos (at least, not for a VERY long time), but due to several requests, I have made an additional video to go along with the previous 3-part series I'd made.

This one concerns Misato, the childrens' guardian and immediate supervisor. She's a pretty cool character. I hadn't orignally planned to due a 4th Eva video, but due to the requests, and finally finding an appropriate Alter Bridge song, I decided to go ahead. I hope this is good enough for those that requested it. Enjoy!

Here's the original 3 parts:

Part 1 - Rei
Part 2 - Asuka
Part 3 - Shinji

Enjoy, and let me know what you think. I promise the next one will be FLCL. I think. Oh, and it certainly WON'T be Alter Bridge. For reals.

EDITOR'S NOTE: You know, for some reason, I keep watching this one over and over, and I think this may be my favorite one I've made so far (except for MissSpeech's, natch). It's growing on me...

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Put On Your Rain Coat, The BS Is A Comin' Down

Warning: Parenthesis and snark-intensive content ahead. Small children should probably be sedated.

So by now, I assume the majority of my readers (both of you) have heard of the Yale (I think you all know how I feel about Yale) "Art Student" (I think you all know how I feel about art students) who decided to create "art" by artificially insemenating herself with a turkey-baster (I think you all know how I feel about turkey), and then ingesting aborto-facilitating herbs on order to induce miscarriages. Several times. Like a BUNCH of times. Aside from the warped depravity that this girl has shown, and the disgusting nature of her "art" (which we can discuss any time), she has also decided to publish what I can only term as a miscarriage of the English language explaining herself. It resides here: I recommend you attempt to read it, but be sure to wear boots and a helmet, for the BS is raining down. And this is what we will discuss now.

According to her article, the reason she did this was

"to destabilize the locus of that authorial act, and in doing so, reclaim it from the heteronormative structures that seek to naturalize it..."

Translation: "Look at me, I'm an Attention Whore". You will notice that here she is implying that her organs (in this case, the uterus), can be used for other things besides childbirth; apparently the uterus is also useful as a paintbrush. Who knew? I wonder if the uterus could also file my taxes for me? Or perhaps it could be employed to make tasty waffles?

It creates an ambiguity that isolates the locus of ontology to an act of readership. An intentional ambiguity pervades both the act and the objects I produced in relation to it. The performance exists only as I chose to represent it. For me, the most poignant aspect of this representation — the part most meaningful in terms of its political agenda (and, incidentally, the aspect that has not been discussed thus far) — is the impossibility of accurately identifying the resulting blood. Because the miscarriages coincide with the expected date of menstruation (the 28th day of my cycle), it remains ambiguous whether the there was ever a fertilized ovum or not. The reality of the pregnancy, both for myself and for the audience, is a matter of reading.

Ergo, when I apply a significant amount of force to the musclature in my righmost lower appendage, and apply said force in a pendulumic motion relative to Ms. Shvarts' posterior, it will be in the purview of the assmebled viewership to determine if I have, in fact, kicked her squarely in the @$$, or simply provided a resting place for my foot.

Just as it is a myth that women are “meant” to be feminine and men masculine,

Having seen your picture, I can see how you could be confused.

it is a myth that ovaries and a uterus are “meant” to birth a child.

True. As mentioned before, they can also be used to provide tax-preperation advice and delicious waffles.

When considering my own bodily form, I recognize its potential as extending beyond its ability to participate in a normative function. While my organs are capable of engaging with the narrative of reproduction...

More than likely not, sweetheart. That tends to happen when you MAKE YOURSELF HAVE REPEATED MISCARRIAGES. Allah preserve us that she should ever

the realm of capability extends beyond the bounds of that specific narrative chain. These organs can do other things, can have other purposes, and it is the prerogative of every individual to acknowledge and explore this wide realm of capability.

I look forward to seeing what other talents my various organs have. While my colon is shiftless and lazy, my left buttcheek has a 9-5 job at Office Depot.

Art truly has made the world a better place.

Oh, and lest you think there is no hope for Yale, check out this comment from the article:

I'm a Yale Professor. I give Shvartz an "A" for pretentious nonsense. I
give her advisor an "F" for trying to teach her to be anything other than a
clone of the advisor's silly posing. I give the Yale administration an "F" for
running scared from the real story, which is the fact that students at Yale can
fall into majors where they learn nothing other than the ability to parrot
incomprehensible crap.

Word up, professor dude. Word up.

Sky Crawlers Just Got Even Cooler!

Turns out, it'll ALSO be a Wii game!

Looks like I'll have to get the Wii FreeLoader disc so I can play it (cause it'll probably be japan-only, like all the good games).

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Pizza Hut Driver Fired For Defending Himself

This is getting out of hand. This is not the first time Pizza Hut has done this, but after the backlash from last time, you'd think they'd learn thier lesson. Apparently not.

Short version of the story: This piece of human debris holds a gun to the driver's head, demanding money. Driver shoots the debris three times, and the guy runs away (and is later arrested). Driver then gets fired from his job because, even though he has a valid concealed carry permit, it's against Pizza Hut "policy" to carry a weapon.

A Republican state lawmaker called on Iowans Friday to boycott Pizza Hut restaurants after the company fired a Des Moines delivery driver who shot an armed robber last month. Apparently, Pizza Hut would prefer that thier drivers be shot by muggers. A state senator said this:

"You tell me any Iowan that was in his situation, that had a gun put to his head, how they would've reacted differently," state Sen. Brad Zaun of Urbandale said. "I think it's the wrong decision by Pizza Hut and I will not be buying any more Pizza Hut products."

Now, boycotts and protests aren’t really the GreatMoose's bag. Probably because inside of me beats the heart of a lazy man. The thought of taking a day to go anywhere and carry a sign about anything makes my skin crawl. But, I will gladly avoid purchasing Pizza Hut's "pizza", which as it turns out, I was doing anyway. Long live Rosati's!

Thought question for the day: Is it ok for companies to maintain policies that are in direct contravention with an individual's constitutional rights?

This is actually a bit more nuanced (oh, how I hate that word) than it seems at first. Many places of business forbid the carrying of weapons, even if the person has a license, ie. schools, universities, goverment buildings, etc..., which is debatable, but this guy was IN HIS OWN CAR. Which according to "Castle Doctrine", means you are free to defend yourself by any means necessary. So, he wasn't on Pizza Hut property, but he was on Pizza Hut business. My own veiw is that PH is totally wrong here, and they shouldn't have fired the guy (and should repeal that stupid policy). What do you think?

The Dumbest Protestor In The History Of Mankind

Ahem. Perhaps you should have paid attention in history class, dumb@$$.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Tropic Thunder Brings The Awesome!

I'll let the trailer speak for itself:

A few things:
1) Looks like an even more awesome Galaxy Quest.
2) Robert Downey Jr.

I mean really, can you even tell that's really a WHITE guy? That's seriously cool. And he's also playing Iron Man this summer. Maybe it's finally his time to shine. I hope so, he's due.

Awesome Teaser Trailer For Mamoru Oshii's Sky Crawlers

I've been stoked about this since I first saw the teaser image nearly a year ago. Well, there's a teaser trailer now, and it looks georgeous. Extremely detailed, great music, and combining 3 of my favorite things: WWII airplanes, alternate history, and anime.
follows the journeys and tribulations of a group of young fighter pilots involved in dogfight warfare, and is set during an alternate historical period.

Take a look-see:

BTW, I have NO idea what the subtitles are. I'll try to find out. Oh, the airplanes look an awful lot like a Kyushu J7W, which is freakin' sweet!

EDIT: OK, I don't know what's going on with the Twitch player. Is it cut off on the right hand side for anybody else?

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Farewell, Personal Responsibility. We Hardly Knew Ye.

This could be the most aggravating, frustrating, and saddening thing I have read in quite some time. Maybe ever. I haven't posted much about the "housing credit crisis", mainly because I believe it is rude to laugh at people. Well, my patience has officially worn out because of attitudes like this:

Sinclair: If they reduced our interest rate back to 4.25, we might be able to make the payments, but I don't think we're going to.
Vigeland: Now, why not?

Sinclair: We would do it if the equity was there, but in a case where we're already so behind... Imagine that for five years, say, we're gonna pay four grand a month and then we're just gonna be back up at what we bought the house for. We feel like we're throwing away money.

The Sinclairs say they want to take responsibility for their debts, but right now it makes more financial sense not to.

Sinclair: I mean, you ask a good question. Is it really the right thing to do to let the mortgage companies take up the difference? That's a really tough ethical question.

Dan says he experienced the various stages of grief, including denial and anger. Now he's just relieved.

Sinclair: We went through months of being skinflints, because we knew that we were going into the red, so we didn't buy anything. All the sudden, we had a bank full of money and we're living rent-free, but we know that's not really our money.

Vigeland: How does that feel?

Esmeralda Sinclair: Great! Like he said, we were so tight with money...

Dan: It does feel great, because all the sudden, we feel like we have a little margin now where we can go out to dinner, get a babysitter...

Vigeland: But you're not paying your mortgage. You're not paying the biggest obligation you have. How does that feel good?

Esmeralda: We already went through the guilt. This is really what we need to do, not what we wanted to do, but what we need to do.

You know, when historians look back at the collapse of America in the 21st century, this will be the reason. Historians may not be able to figure it out, but the fact is that attitudes like this are the reason that America will fail. America used to be the greatest country on earth because of our values and responsibility, but we have clearly lost our way. This is really really sad. How do these freaking people sleep at night? The people are walking piles of human debris, and they do not deserve to be sucking air. Hopefully there is a comet screaming toward Earth to bring us sweet relief. A person can hope.

One last question, what about those of us who have PAID our mortgages on time (with extra principle every time)? Where's our handout? Where's our ability to live rent (and apparently GUILT) free?

Die in a fire, farkwads.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Words Of Wisdom For The Day

I really do have a few new posts about ready to go, but they're not quite done yet. Haven't been motivated. ANYWAY. Over on Fark there's a great 2nd amendment debate going on, and as usual, some poor misguided soul asked the question:

"Why would anybody need a gun in the first place?"

Of course, there's LOTS of reasons, but the best answer in the thread was this:

1. Because a cop is too heavy to carry.
2. Because when seconds count, the police are only minutes away.
3. Because the right of the people to bear arms shall not be infringed.

And I'd like to add #4: Because the freaking zombies won't kill themselves (again).

That made my day. Just thought I'd share.

EDIT: This is for Doc.

PS: I'll award 10 (ten) internets to whoever can tell me what comic that bear is from.