Thursday, August 02, 2007

Chuck Norris Rescues 26 Sailors

"Chuck" Norris brings the awesome:

On Thursday, Jan. 18, 2007, the British container ship MSC Napoli was damaged and taking in water in a severe storm situation off Lizard Point

Two Sea King search and rescue helicopters from the 771 Naval Air Squadron were immediately commissioned to the sight.

Lt. Guy "Chuck" Norris, 42, has been enlisted in the Royal Navy for 18 years and has flown more than 200 search and rescue missions. This father of two described the tempestuous oceanic surroundings that day as the worst ever.

The helicopter crews found the seamen being tossed about in their lifeboats by swells that were 40 to 50 feet high. Petty Officer Aircrewman Jay O'Donnell was lowered and "trawled" through the waves on a rope to the lifeboats. This 33-year-old father of two later described the scene: "It was the worst conditions I have encountered. The seas were mountainous. When you are there, you are very focused about what has to be done. But looking back at some of the footage which was taken, you think, 'Oh my God, I didn't realize it was that bad.'"

Chuck Norris doesn't rescue sailors from the ocean. The ocean apologetically gives the sailors back to Chuck Norris.
Unfortunately, he then performed a single roundhouse kick which killed all the survivors. The Norris giveth, and the Norris taketh away.

UPDATE OK, I wasn't going to do it, but I can't resist. Some more helpful (and potentially life-saving) facts about Chuck Norris:

There is no global warming, Chuck thought it was chilly out and turned up the sun.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate

Feel free to add more!


Greatmoose said...

OK, a few more:

Chuck Norris is actually 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with genetics, the man ATE a farking indian.

Chuck Norris doesn't play God. Playing is for children.

If you can see Chuck Norris, then he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, then you may have only seconds to live.

JTapp said...

The Ninja Turtle one was a new one for me. Funny stuff. Norris is to America what Van Damme is to the rest of the world. All the jokes could be translated and into his name and still be just as good.