Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Michael Phelps Fun Facts

In honor of the Almighty Phelps, the (admittedly not-as-Great-in-comparison)Moose brings you fun facts about Michael Phelps. Read, and be amazed:

Fact: Michael Phelps actually failed to swim the English Channel, but only because he kept swimming right past France.
Fact: Moses didn't part the Red Sea, it was Michael Phelps wake.
Fact: The whitewater kayaking team once trained in Michael Phelps wake. May they rest in peace.
Fact: A Michael Phelps flip-turn is the only phenomenon in the universe capable of canceling out the force of a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick.
Fact: Michael Phelps once doggie-paddled up Niagra Falls
Fact: Michael Phelps doesn't get wet while swimming. The water 'just' avoids and moves around him to not get him upset.
Fact: Michael Phelps can walk on water, but he's too modest, so he swims instead.
Fact: Global warming is actually the planet's attempt at appeasing Michael Phelps by giving him more water to swim in.
Fact: Shamu is free to leave SeaWorld at anytime, but refuses to go back into open water due to a gambling debt in which he owes Michael Phelps $20.
Fact: A Michael Phelps flip turn produces 1.21 Gigawatts.
Fact: And if they increased the pool length by just 5 more meters he would reach the necessary 88 mph for time travel.
Fact: Michael Phelps can swim through pack ice. Take that, Shackleton.
FACT: Michael Phelps won a gold medal in the Phelps-athalon. That's where you swim the 400 meter freestyle, eat a 3000 calorie breakfast, and wrestle a crocodile. Simultaneously.
Fact: Cats actually like water. They're just too afraid of Michael Phelps to go in.
Fact: US food prices are up because Michael Phelps was training for the Olympics
Fact: Whales beach themselves to escape the humiliation of Michael Phelps outswimming them.
Fact: Failboat was caused by Michael Phelps.
Fact: The real reason Congress won't allow off-shore drilling is because Michael Phelps needs the entire U.S. coastline to swim his warm-up laps.

More to come, I'm sure.


Joshua "Doc" Wible said...

Awesome! Phelps, though he looks too similar to Eli Manning, is as to swimming as the late Chris Farley was to having "a little bit of a weight problem."

Greatmoose said...

I like the cut of your jib, boy.