Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Michael Phelps Fun Facts
In honor of the Almighty Phelps, the (admittedly not-as-Great-in-comparison)Moose brings you fun facts about Michael Phelps. Read, and be amazed:
Fact: Michael Phelps actually failed to swim the English Channel, but only because he kept swimming right past France.
Fact: Moses didn't part the Red Sea, it was Michael Phelps wake.
Fact: The whitewater kayaking team once trained in Michael Phelps wake. May they rest in peace.
Fact: A Michael Phelps flip-turn is the only phenomenon in the universe capable of canceling out the force of a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick.
Fact: Michael Phelps once doggie-paddled up Niagra Falls
Fact: Michael Phelps doesn't get wet while swimming. The water 'just' avoids and moves around him to not get him upset.
Fact: Michael Phelps can walk on water, but he's too modest, so he swims instead.
Fact: Global warming is actually the planet's attempt at appeasing Michael Phelps by giving him more water to swim in.
Fact: Shamu is free to leave SeaWorld at anytime, but refuses to go back into open water due to a gambling debt in which he owes Michael Phelps $20.
Fact: A Michael Phelps flip turn produces 1.21 Gigawatts.
Fact: And if they increased the pool length by just 5 more meters he would reach the necessary 88 mph for time travel.
Fact: Michael Phelps can swim through pack ice. Take that, Shackleton.
FACT: Michael Phelps won a gold medal in the Phelps-athalon. That's where you swim the 400 meter freestyle, eat a 3000 calorie breakfast, and wrestle a crocodile. Simultaneously.
Fact: Cats actually like water. They're just too afraid of Michael Phelps to go in.
Fact: US food prices are up because Michael Phelps was training for the Olympics
Fact: Whales beach themselves to escape the humiliation of Michael Phelps outswimming them.
Fact: Failboat was caused by Michael Phelps.
Fact: The real reason Congress won't allow off-shore drilling is because Michael Phelps needs the entire U.S. coastline to swim his warm-up laps.
More to come, I'm sure.