And Sarah Keeps Gettin' Better...

Take a look-see:



Wheee-ahhh!

My Friends, We've Got Ourselves A RACE!

McCain picks Sarah Palin, Governor of Alaska as his VP.

She's staunchly conservative, has 5 kids, hunts, fishes, and is all around pretty cool.

Even though it wasn't me, I have to admit: AWESOME choice.

An old white guy and a woman going up against a black dude and an old white guy. Now THAT's an American election for ya. This'll be interesting to watch. The dem's are already talking about her "lack of experience" as she's only been the Governor of Alaska for just over a year. What doesn't occur to them is 365 days is more than twice as long as the Obamessiah has been in the Senate (145 days). So maybe that's not a good argument. This will be so much fun to watch.

Some Thoughts On The Obamessiah's Oratory Last Night

Great speeches do not a great president make. But apparently that's all people want these days. It was nothing but platitudes and unfulfillable promises. Such as:

More money for teachers:

Makes sense. You can obviously turn bad teachers into good ones by paying them more money...wait. Well, you can attract better teachers by offering more money....but the union won't let you fire the current teachers, so....wait. Anyway, it should be easy for the federal government to up their salaries since most teachers are federal employees.....uh, never mind.

Cut taxes for 95 percent of all working families:

Super. After all, we can't get rid of any of our wasteful spending, so we'll just tax the bejeezus out of the those nasty rich people. I mean, they didn't do anything to deserve their money anyway.

Make cars more affordable:

Because that pesky free-market thing just won't do!

Hope, change, changes, hopes, hopefully changing hopeful change:

I think I farted a rainbow.

This country deserves better than Obama OR McCain.

Sad News

My friends, it is with a heavy heart that I must inform you that I am NOT, in fact, John McCain's choice for Vice President.

I just wanted you to hear it from me first, so you're not suprised when he announces who he has picked. Thanks for all your support.

How Old Does This Make YOU Feel?

Beloit College has published thier annual "Mindset List", a list of things the incomming class of college freshman "have always known." It's a really interesting insight into thier world, and a really tiring insight into mine and most of my readers (except ZACK! I kid, I kid). Anyway, here's the list (shamelessly ripped from thier site):

Students entering college for the first time this fall were generally born in 1990.

For these students, Sammy Davis Jr., Jim Henson, Ryan White, Stevie Ray Vaughan and Freddy Krueger have always been dead.

Harry Potter could be a classmate, playing on their Quidditch team.

Since they were in diapers, karaoke machines have been annoying people at parties.

They have always been looking for Carmen Sandiego.

GPS satellite navigation systems have always been available.

Coke and Pepsi have always used recycled plastic bottles.

Shampoo and conditioner have always been available in the same bottle.

Gas stations have never fixed flats, but most serve cappuccino.

Their parents may have dropped them in shock when they heard George Bush announce “tax revenue increases.”

Electronic filing of tax returns has always been an option.

Girls in head scarves have always been part of the school fashion scene.

All have had a relative--or known about a friend's relative--who died comfortably at home with Hospice.

As a precursor to “whatever,” they have recognized that some people “just don’t get it.”

Universal Studios has always offered an alternative to Mickey in Orlando.

Grandma has always had wheels on her walker.

Martha Stewart Living has always been setting the style.

Haagen-Dazs ice cream has always come in quarts.

Club Med resorts have always been places to take the whole family.

WWW has never stood for World Wide Wrestling. (Holy crap, has it been THAT long?)

Films have never been X rated, only NC-17.

The Warsaw Pact is as hazy for them as the League of Nations was for their parents.

Students have always been "Rocking the Vote.”

Clarence Thomas has always sat on the Supreme Court.

Schools have always been concerned about multiculturalism. (For better or worse, right?)

We have always known that “All I Ever Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.”

There have always been gay rabbis.

Wayne Newton has never had a mustache.

College grads have always been able to Teach for America.

IBM has never made typewriters.

Roseanne Barr has never been invited to sing the National Anthem again.

McDonald’s and Burger King have always used vegetable oil for cooking french fries.

They have never been able to color a tree using a raw umber Crayola.

There has always been Pearl Jam.

The Tonight Show has always been hosted by Jay Leno and started at 11:35 EST.

Pee-Wee has never been in his playhouse during the day.

They never tasted Benefit Cereal with psyllium.

They may have been given a Nintendo Game Boy to play with in the crib.

Authorities have always been building a wall across the Mexican border.

Lenin’s name has never been on a major city in Russia.

Employers have always been able to do credit checks on employees.

Balsamic vinegar has always been available in the U.S.

Macaulay Culkin has always been Home Alone.

Their parents may have watched The American Gladiators on TV the day they were born.

Personal privacy has always been threatened.

Caller ID has always been available on phones.

Living wills have always been asked for at hospital check-ins.

The Green Bay Packers (almost) always had the same starting quarterback.

They never heard an attendant ask “Want me to check under the hood?”

Iced tea has always come in cans and bottles.

Soft drink refills have always been free. (well, depends on where you eat)
They have never known life without Seinfeld references from a show about “nothing.”

Windows 3.0 operating system made IBM PCs user-friendly the year they were born.

Muscovites have always been able to buy Big Macs.

The Royal New Zealand Navy has never been permitted a daily ration of rum.

The Hubble Space Telescope has always been eavesdropping on the heavens.

98.6 F or otherwise has always been confirmed in the ear.

Michael Milken has always been a philanthropist promoting prostate cancer research.

Off-shore oil drilling in the United States has always been prohibited.

Radio stations have never been required to present both sides of public issues.

There have always been charter schools.

Students always had Goosebumps.

Now, how old does that make you feel?

Michael Phelps Fun Facts

In honor of the Almighty Phelps, the (admittedly not-as-Great-in-comparison)Moose brings you fun facts about Michael Phelps. Read, and be amazed:

Fact: Michael Phelps actually failed to swim the English Channel, but only because he kept swimming right past France.
Fact: Moses didn't part the Red Sea, it was Michael Phelps wake.
Fact: The whitewater kayaking team once trained in Michael Phelps wake. May they rest in peace.
Fact: A Michael Phelps flip-turn is the only phenomenon in the universe capable of canceling out the force of a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick.
Fact: Michael Phelps once doggie-paddled up Niagra Falls
Fact: Michael Phelps doesn't get wet while swimming. The water 'just' avoids and moves around him to not get him upset.
Fact: Michael Phelps can walk on water, but he's too modest, so he swims instead.
Fact: Global warming is actually the planet's attempt at appeasing Michael Phelps by giving him more water to swim in.
Fact: Shamu is free to leave SeaWorld at anytime, but refuses to go back into open water due to a gambling debt in which he owes Michael Phelps $20.
Fact: A Michael Phelps flip turn produces 1.21 Gigawatts.
Fact: And if they increased the pool length by just 5 more meters he would reach the necessary 88 mph for time travel.
Fact: Michael Phelps can swim through pack ice. Take that, Shackleton.
FACT: Michael Phelps won a gold medal in the Phelps-athalon. That's where you swim the 400 meter freestyle, eat a 3000 calorie breakfast, and wrestle a crocodile. Simultaneously.
Fact: Cats actually like water. They're just too afraid of Michael Phelps to go in.
Fact: US food prices are up because Michael Phelps was training for the Olympics
Fact: Whales beach themselves to escape the humiliation of Michael Phelps outswimming them.
Fact: Failboat was caused by Michael Phelps.
Fact: The real reason Congress won't allow off-shore drilling is because Michael Phelps needs the entire U.S. coastline to swim his warm-up laps.

More to come, I'm sure.

That's Probably Not Good...

Russia has invaded Georgia, a democratic country, and the two countries are now at war.

Via Reuters:

MEGVREKISI, Georgia (Reuters) - Russia sent forces into Georgia on Friday to repel a Georgian assault on the breakaway South Ossetia region and Georgia's pro-Western president said the two countries were at war...

...A senior Russian military commander said parts of Russia's 58th army were approaching the rebel capital, where fighting raged between Russian-backed separatists and Georgian forces sent in on Friday to seize it.

Seeing as this is the opening day of the Olympics, it will be interesting to see what the media decides to cover: a new war or the sporting event intended to promote peace between countries. Eh.

Dang It, I Was Wrong

It appears I guessed incorrectly. Johnny Depp has signed to be The Madhatter in Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland.(reported here earlier) Oh well, it's a perfect fit for him.

A New Contender For Greatest Commercial EVAR

I give you, MR. T!



Snickers TV Commercial - Get Some Nuts - video powered by Metacafe

For Snickers, no less. Enjoy the win.

Cuil.com Is A Truckload Of Fail

If you didn't know, a new web search engine* debuted today, called cuil.com. It was supposed to be a "google killer". They've paid for (and gotten) a huge media blitz today, going so far as to be on CNN's mainpage. It has bee a tad oversold, methinks. Has a streamlined interfaced, and results are displayed as articles. Well, maybe I should say, WOULD be displayed as articles, IF it returned any results. On anything. Their search algorithm is SO bad, it won't even return "cuil.com". And it's horribly unhelpful when you don't get a result:



*By "engine", I mean in the same way that a hamster wheel is an engine. As in, not really.

Seriously, just stick with google.

Apprently, Obama REALLY IS The Messiah

This is just priceless. From the Times Online:

And it came to pass, in the eighth year of the reign of the evil Bush the Younger (The Ignorant), when the whole land from the Arabian desert to the shores of the Great Lakes had been laid barren, that a Child appeared in the wilderness.

The Child was blessed in looks and intellect. Scion of a simple family, offspring of a miraculous union, grandson of a typical white person and an African peasant. And yea, as he grew, the Child walked in the path of righteousness, with only the occasional detour into the odd weed and a little blow...

...As word spread throughout the land about the Child's wondrous works, peoples from all over flocked to hear him; Hittites and Abbasids; Obamacons and McCainiacs; Cameroonians and Blairites.

And they told of strange and wondrous things that greeted the news of the Child's journey. Around the world, global temperatures began to decline, and the ocean levels fell and the great warming was over.

The Great Prophet Algore of Nobel and Oscar, who many had believed was the anointed one, smiled and told his followers that the Child was the one generations had been waiting for...

...And the Persians, who saw all this and were greatly fearful, longed to speak with the Child and saw that the Child was the bringer of peace. At the mention of his name they quickly laid aside their intrigues and beat their uranium swords into civil nuclear energy ploughshares...

Definitely worth the time to read the whole thing. There's so much awesome win in this, I can't post it all. I LOL'd verily. A lot. Seriously, this may be the funniest thing I've read on the intertubes.

Hehe, "Gordon the Leper..."

Will The Mortgage Bail-Out Help You?

If you were smart and didn't buy more than you could afford, paid you bills on time, and did what you were supposed to do, probably not. But there are some very interesting stipulations on the bailout, assuming it passes as-is:

Via CNN-

Qualified borrowers must live in their homes and have loans that were issued between January 2005 and June 2007. Additionally, they must be spending at least 40% of their gross monthly income on all household debt to be eligible for the program.

They can be up to date on their existing mortgage or in default, but either way borrowers must prove that they will not be able to keep paying their existing mortgage - and attest that they are not deliberately defaulting just to obtain lower payments.

Before homeowners can get FHA-backed mortgages, they must first retire any other debt on the home, such as a home equity loan or line of credit. Borrowers are not permitted to take out another home equity loan for at least five years, unless it's to pay for necessary upkeep on the home.

To get a new home equity loan, borrowers will need approval from the FHA, and total debt cannot exceed 95% of the home's appraised value at the time.

It looks like it's going to by a bit harder than some people were hoping for to get the handout, and the "no new loans for 5-years" is very interesting. And the "borrowers must live in thier homes" seems to mean that all these house-flipping douchebags may not be getting any help at all. Outstanding. As bad of an idea as this was in the first place, it appears that Congress actually put a little thought into thier "solution". Color me surprised.

Lilley Responds To His Firing

Wow, this is turning ugly. Lilley has contacted the WacoTrib and posted a response to his canning.

“Two and a half years ago I was invited unanimously by the Board of Regents to come to Baylor. I did not come to Baylor to advance my career. Gerrie and I were reluctant but finally were persuaded to come because of the unanimous vote and the promised prayers of the regents. We felt that we could help to heal the wounded hearts left in the wake of the conflict that preceded us. Despite the board’s unanimous vote, it became clear immediately that the Baylor Board of Regents reflected some of the deepest divisions in the Baylor family.

“I am proud of the work my colleagues and I have done to bring the Baylor family together and to help the university achieve the ambitious goals set forth in our mission and vision 2012, documented in our annual report just presented to the regents. I deeply regret the action of the Board, and I do not believe that it reflects the best interests of Baylor University.”

Once again, he is blaming everybody else for his problems. He did the same thing with the tenure disaster. Every time he sent out a statement about something, it was mainly about how whatever had happened was not his fault. In the Lilley presidency, the buck stopped down the hall.

Oh, BTW, the comments on the Trib site are priceless!

Baylor President John Lilley Fired!

Well, looks like Baylor needs another new president. Lilley was fired effective immediately, and the Regents picked Harold Cunningham as the acting president while they search for an interim president. From an email obtained this morning:

The Baylor University Board of Regents voted today to begin the search for a new University President. Board Chairman Dr. Howard K. Batson said the decision was necessary in order to unite Baylor’s many constituencies and move the University forward in its next period of growth and renewal. Batson said the move represents the Regents’ acknowledgement of a need for unifying leadership as Baylor strives to achieve its goals under Baylor 2012.

The Board had hoped to transition to a new president gradually, officially beginning the presidential search in January 2009 and eventually replacing Baylor President John M. Lilley during the final portion of his five-year contract. Because plans for a gradual transition were rejected by Dr. Lilley, the Board will immediately seek a new president...

...Harold Cunningham, a member of the Board of Regents who was previously board chair, will assume the role of acting president until such time as an interim president is named...

...It is expected that Cunningham will serve a brief period until an interim president is appointed. After an interim is chosen, the Board, in consultation with other constituencies of the Baylor family, will begin a comprehensive search for a new president.

Well, ain't that somethin'.

Lilley had a track record of fail, include such boneheadedness as:

1. Change the school colors from Baylor green and gold to Lilley's favorite shade of green and YELLOW
2. Change Baylor's football helmets from the interlocking BU to "BAYLOR" (Soooo much fail)
3. Change from Dr. Pepper to COKE
4. Spent more time in China than at Baylor during his presidency
5. The whole tenure debacle

Ok, a couple of those were rumors, but sound about right.

Maybe they can get Underwood back.

Tim Burton Chooses His Alice

Seems as Mr. Burton has picked the girl he wants to play Alice in his upcoming movie of Alice In Wonderland. Her name is Mia Wasikowska, and she's from Australia.


An interesting choice, I think. Not quite what I expected, but word is she's pretty good. I've been looking forward to this movie for quite some time. It's one of my favorite "classic" tales, and hopefully Tim Burton will really bring out the dark and disturbing parts of the story.

What most people who know about this film are REALLY hoping for though (myself included), is a full telling of American McGee's Alice, where Alice is older, and she returns to Wonderland.

With a knife.

It gets CRAZY dark and creepy and generally farked up. We'll see.

Oh, forgot to mention, Johnny Depp (yay!) is in this as well, but we're not sure who he's playing. I can't decide if he'd be a better Cheshire Cat or Mad Hatter. I'm voting for Cheshire Cat, I think.